Jumping through hoops

I'm long enough in the tooth to realise the world doesn't owe me a living.

I've spent a lot of time studying recruitment, the bullshit that manufactures a haze of professionalism and how this has rubbed off on employer expectations.

The last few jobs I've looked at and applied for out of curiosity have left me wondering just what these people want, let along expect.

I applied for a part-time job which internal systems aside sounds pretty straightforward. A despatcher for out of hours doctors.

It involved handling the calls and then arranging to send the doctor to the address.

Provided an articulate letter of introduction saying why I felt I would be a good match for the job, outlining skills and responsibilities. Response, FUCK ALL.

I mentioned my pal who was pushed on to a 90 hour IT course with no promise of a job interview, let along a job at the end of it.

I recently applied for a marketing job, which had a very long list of requirements, which I met amply.

Now the truth is, most people half my age and less, will have a small set of skills, such as being able to edit video with Adobe. I had a work colleague just like that, degree educated, could work Adobe Premier but couldn't spell or express a sentiment in a sentence.

To show I meet the requirements of what prospective employers are looking for, I've built up a portfolio of written and video work which is presented in the form of an interactive PDF.

I'm not saying t's brilliant and I know it's not shit, but it does provide evidence to a prospective employer that I know my stuff and can produce content.

It's up to them to decide whether I am worth chatting to.

A few days after sending a comprehensive application, I received a response that came as a bit of a surprise. The guy wanted me to stand out from all the others by crafting a piece just for him.

he wanted to sort out the genuine applicants from the time wasters.

We're talking several paragraphs of what he was looking for and it certainly rubbed me up the wrong way.

As an applicant, I take the time to review an employer's needs, the salary, their location and whether I would be any good.

I appreciate it's a buyers market, but if an prospective employer can't from an application ascertain whether the candidate is suitable for a chat, then he's not much of an employer.

A cv doesn't get you the job, it does if it's any good, create an interest, an overture. The interview in whatever form it may take, is your chance to sell your skills and abilities to the employer and if they meet their needs and of course they like you, the job is yours.

A couple of years ago, I had an ongoing situation with an application that ran on for four months. Basically, I was being fucked about. I did everything but undress in front of this guy and when I finally and politely pressured him into either shitting or getting off the pot, he said "What we really want is for you to come to the office and do a top whole presentation to convince us you're the man for the job".

Four months I'd been providing examples and evidence I had all the skills he needed, bouncing little ideas off him based on what I'd picked up on how his company operated.

Couple this with the rather stupid remark that his business partner had remarked she would have liked to see someone younger, with 21st century ideas and 21st century marketing techniques pushed me over the edge.

I banished from my mind any thought of wanting to work for this outfit and went to town giving him a royal dressing down.

It went along the lines where as I mentioned, I'd done everything but strip off in front of him and clarified that I wasn't the type who works in a Cardigan, spills their dinner down it and then has to have half an hour's nap in the afternoon.

I've come to this stage with this guy asking for something very special to set me aside from the time wasters.

Unlike the 21st century guy, I know fuck all about his company, so tailoring anything professional to the business is going to be a shot in the dark. Their website is piss poor, so you couldn't even trawl that and come away with inspiration.

I won't be providing that rare piece of content he's looking to set me apart from the rest.

To achieve legitimate accreditations like ISO, you have to provide evidence you meet the standard or you don't. Can you imagine Dame Judi Dench having to knock up a video on her i phone re enacting the death scene from Love Story with a Teddy bear, to land a part in Eastenders?

The short point of this story is that screening of applicants takes something that appears to be in short supply. Common sense.