If you didn't laugh...

Any regular readers here, will be aware that the world of recruitment or "onboarding" as they like to call it now, is a bit of an old chestnut with me.

The main reason being it has to be after insurance, one of the most callous and unprofessional of industries when it comes to treating customers like human beings.

I've been making job applications for a few weeks now and have encountered two utter corkers when it comes to witless application questions.

The first one, I went through all the education and skills parts only to be confronted with the question; When you were 14 what did your parents do for a living? Subsequent questions asked if they had people reporting to them etc.

I sat there dumbfounded, trying to work out what the answers to these questions could possibly provide a recruiter/ onboarder with valuable information about an applicant.

Last week, I was presented with a question: When you were at school, did you receive free school meals?

It's a foregone conclusion, that in any company, you'll encounter at least one complete bell end. I fear in the world of recruitment, we have a surfeit of empty headed, degree-educated numpties who need justify their position, by coming up with this guff.

It's a little like when PPA or Personality Profile Assessments were all the rage. A psychometric test to ascertain whether you'd make a good accounts clerk or axe murderer.

What happened to personal judgement when it comes to choosing your personnel? When it comes down to it, the cards are stacked in favour of the employer, no matter what the human rights lot say.

As far as the employer is concerned, it's their job to give out. They will choose the best person for the position to suit the needs of their company and it's operational style. So, if they have a 23 year old who has a career path in mind and they meet one, then that person will probably get the job over the forty year old who has experience in the same field.

Luck of the draw.

Occasionally, you will find an employer who'll take a non-formula applicant, because they portray during the interview they can do the job. I remember back in the 80s, I was running a high street car audio outlet. I'd been out somewhere and when I got back, Richard my director told me he'd been interviewing for the new fitter we needed.

He described a lad with a ring through his nose and a T shirt with printed bullet holes, blood and bits of flesh all over the front. "Thing is said Richard, I've given him the job"...

Patrick turned out to be an excellent fitter with a Catholic taste in music (we both loved Divine, Billy Idol and Visage). Patrick and I gelled as a team. I sold and designed the audio packages, checked the practical aspects such as depth of door speakers vs the cars they were going in. Volvo 7 series and Capris were buggers for having shallow doors.

Our efforts were rewards with the joy of our customers, anything from wow, to actual years when they heard the fully installed kit. Fade to grey usually had them transfixed.

Today, degrees, buzzwords and bullshit are commodities much in abundance yet quite unnecessary in business. A degree in social media isn't a skill. It's a bit of paper that the holder believes will open doors yet rarely in their specialist subject.

Whether it's manufacturing or service, a business need folk who do not those who think they do or get others to do and take the credit. Yes, that's a management style I'm sadly familiar with, but not one that actually benefits the company.

It's been a while since I found myself trawling the job pages and nothing has changed. Agencies still rule the roost. If ever there was cause for a cull, there's one. I saw the same job advertised locally by six different agencies, all hoping to push poorly matched individuals forward in the hopes of earning a quick wedge for doing fuck all.

I friend of mine had her agency contact arrange an interview in Telford some thirty miles away for a job working with lovely people, in Telford in nice offices.

The people were rude to her, the job was not in Telford but the jewellery quarter Birmingham in an old wreck of a building. My friend had to knock a morning off work using an imaginary smear test as an excuse (or something like that). She used valuable interview time and petrol to attend. The agency slug lost nothing.

This being my first post in a while on the subject of recruitment, I'm sad to report that dealing with them is still as frustrating and unrewarding a pursuit as ever. It's still an obstacle that stands between you and a job, that shouldn't be there.

As for the school meals and parents employment history. I'd love to hear from anyone with similarly bizarre experiences when looking for work.