It getting that you just can't trust anyone these days

I need promote myself as a freelancer you know, editing video, maybe shooting some...

I decided in order to get the word out, I'd register with a couple of online directories. I was specific in what I was offering and when I was offering it (evenings and weekends).

One listing I completed was called 118 information. Like many people, I assumed this was the same 118 that has those two annoying dolts in shorts that you see on television. Some guy rang me and verified my details which seemed OK.

Shortly after I started getting calls, the wrong kind of calls.

They's begin by clarifying my name and then my address and then would say we're calling about your newly registered business premises. This is where I wondered where they were getting such inaccurate information from.

I had twenty phone calls yesterday, a lot from Manchester. After call number three, I started blocking the number without answering. I deleted the listing from 118 and fortunately I've had only one call today.

The jackals who called were flogging energy deals and if you check out the Google reviews on this outfit, you'll see they have a funny way of going about it. Have you ever seen either of the Oasis Gallagher twins giving someone a slagging off? Those call centre types sound just the same. They have no manners or regard for people, just the goal of stitching you up with an energy package and enjoying a good bung out of it (or so I assume).

Rather like those clowns who phone you and say they're calling you about that accident you had. Only an imbecile would believe you would enter into a mutually beneficial business dealing with someone who starts the proceedings with a lie.

All this vile malarkey makes things so much harder who do want and need to promote their above board service or product to the world, because every overture puts people on the backfoot.

As someone who a long time ago, used to have to generate and make their own appointments, I know how hard it is to cold call, let alone get an appointment. I had a technique to my 7/10 conversion rate and that was to be honest.

Tell them who you were, tell them why you are calling and then I would verify that if they granted me an appointment and it took more than 15 minutes of their time, it was because they had questions for me.

But of course, it's so competitive these days, which is why you have to lie your way into doing business.

I remember in my local pub about twenty years ago on Friday afternoons, about half a dozen photocopier salesmen and their boss would come in. They'd chat loudly amongst themselves about the deals they'd done and the people they'd screwed over, the obsolete models of copier they'd tucked their punters up with and how much they'd earned out of the deception, so this sort of tactic isn't new, it's just more widespread and to be found in more industries than used cars, photocopiers and double glazing.

I worked in double glazing for two weeks in the late 70s. I remember being sent out with an experienced salesman to witness a presentation. The people were just looking for a quote, he was out to close a sale.

He struggled and at one point brought up the impending price increase. He asked if he could phone his boss to see if he could freeze it for them. " Yes, I understand the price is going up on Monday, but they're nice people" he whined down the phone. Trouble is, he wasn't talking to his boss at ten o clock at night, he was talking to the speaking clock.

You may understand why I only stayed with this company for a fortnight before returning to the warm bosom of the motor trade.

Frankly, the self promotion thing isn't going well for me. I'm on a couple of well known freelancer platforms, where all I've encountered are fucking lunatics. A chinese guy wanted me to do a video of his revolutionary dog / cat door. Problem was, he wanted me to buy one of the flaps, fit it to a door then find a couple of live pets to demonstrate on video how wonderful it was.

I had some guy who was about to set the world afire with a board game. Sent me the rules of the game and thought I could produce him a video from a Word document of rules.

In a year, I've earned thirteen pounds (not quite enough to retire on) and one of those jobs was some guy in Dubai who was pissed off he'd been passed over three times for a promotion and a rise and wanted to call a meeting with his boss.

I felt I did a pretty good job of presenting the case, but the guy decided to present boss with the 7 page poorly worded version rather than my two pager.

On a lighter note, I just finished a short promo video of one of the new vehicles for the company I spend my days with and boss Paul loves it. Not a complete failure after all.