Audi drivers are twats

I only do approximately 25 miles a day to and from work, yet every time I see something stupid on the road, it involves an Audi. People used to berate BMW drivers and I certainly remember the cuntish driving of the Rover SD1 set in the 70s, but Audi drivers have set a completely new standard. All of these incidents have happened to me in the past 3 weeks.

Dual carriageway, 40 limit, speed cameras. I was approaching where it becomes three lanes, the right hand one for turning at the lights.

I indicated, moved into lane two as lane three was a few yards ahead. Looked in my mirror to see an Audi grafted to my rear end, he wasn't there when I changed lanes. I was doing 40 in a 40 and my third lane was coming up, but I was still going way to slow for him. He undertook me, glared at me as he passed and then had to brake sharp, because the traffic lights were on red.

What he thought he was gaining there, I've no idea.

A day or so later, I left the motorway and I have to approach some lights in the left hand lane, which then veer off sharp left. They were on red, so I pulled up at them. White Audi behind me, pulled out from behind and just drove through the lights, fortunately, nothing entering that junction from the opposite direction.

Another day, I was driving down the Tyburn Road, when an Audi actually mounted the central reservation to overtake me, at a little after 5pm with both lanes of the dual carriageway busy with traffic and his reward was the lights a few hundred yards ahead were on red, his mission to reduce his journey by 2.3 seconds scuppered.

When I leave the motorway on the way home, I have to sit in a jam every night for about 15 minutes, because of the stupidity of the council, painting chevrons to shepherd the traffic into one lane, through some lights. On the left, there's a bus lane.

I've not spotted any signs which have repurposed this lane, but you can be sure at least once a week, it will become an Audi, don't queue in the traffic with everyone else, use the bus lane that's OK.

These incidents all took place in maybe 8 days of each other and there were others such as cutting me up on the motorway, that just aren't worth elaborating as that happens all the time on the drudgery of a journey home.

Is it the marketing of Audi with its vorsprung blahdy blah that appeals to the selfish arrogance of a certain section of the motoring community ?

Anyway, if you're an Audi driver, you will no doubt have a little perk on to learn that there's a new magazine just for you.

Packed full of ego stroking articles as to why you're special because you drive an Audi. Only £ 15 an issue which you can easily afford.

Drive an Audi because you can't drive your finger up your arse.

And here's a tip. If you pull your seat forward, you can get even closer to the car in front.

Wanker !